We all get caught up about what we think other people are thinking and expecting from us, particularly when it comes to dating and sex. This can mean not telling someone we meet on a dating app what sort of encounter we are truly interested in having, or not letting our partner know what feels good in bed.
1.Not Being Upfront
But why not tell someone you’re only looking for a hookup so there isn’t any misunderstanding about having brunch the next day? Why bother to have sex with someone at all if it’s not going to be the type of sex that will make you feel good? Sure, you might turn some people off with your honesty, but those aren’t the people who were going to be right for you anyway.
2.Not Taking Control
Our sexual anatomies are varied (and wonderful), and no one knows exactly how they work like you do. Learn about your own three Ps of pleasure—pressure, pace and place—and don’t be too shy to guide your partner’s hands or be explicit in letting them know how they can change up any one of those elements.
We’ve all got our own hang-up when it comes to sexual self-esteem or our own body image, but vocalizing them to your partner –especially when you’re trying to feel sexy – empowers the issue to distract yourself from how desirable you actually are to them. Generally speaking, your partner would not be in bed with you unless they found you irresistibly sexy as you are, so own that and enjoy yourself!
4.Not Letting Yourself Go
We can’t always help being distracted during sex, whether stressing about a project we’re working on at the office or wishing our dog would stop scratching at the bedroom door, but truly enjoying the sex your having means, well, focusing on the sex you’re having.
It can seem like a cruel practice in futility to try and turn your brain ‘off’ just by thinking it ‘turn off brain!’ so try this instead: think about each touch and sensation you’re feeling on your body and narrate them to yourself. Think ‘she just gave me shivers up my spine when she kissed my jaw’ or ‘I love the way hands are cupping my body.’
5.Giving the Silent Treatment
While loudly faking an orgasm can be reminiscent of particularly poorly acted porn, staying silent during sex could be equally as uninspiring.
Your light moans, groans and verbalized encouragement show your partner when what they’re doing is something you like, and your pleasure and enjoyment shouldn’t be something you keep from your partner. (This goes for the chronically-silent gentlemen as well)!