How to Spice Up Sex and Avoid a Dead Bedroom

At the beginning of a relationship, there is an energy flowing between the couple that makes everything new and exciting. At this stage, couples date and kiss for hours and hours, there is no time or place to make out and foreplay plays a big part in their sex routine, but as time goes on, naturally, this time spent on courtship and kissing will decrease and eventually they will be wondering how to spice up sex to avoid a dead bedroom. 

The truth is that most relationships go through periods of lesser intimacy and the decline in love and satisfaction in long-term relationships is one of the most well-documented findings in Western marriage. 

Therefore, we need to be relentlessly encouraged to engage in activities that give us pleasure and strengthen us as a couple more effectively. However, when it comes to maintaining or improving your sexual intimacy, there will always be challenges for couples to make it happen.

In this article, you will find out how to spice up sex and keep an affectionate relationship going strong and for the couple who eventually let the relationship fall into the rut, tips to address this issue and avoid falling into a dead bedroom with your partner.

What can interfere with the couple's sexual desire?

First of all, there must be openness and heart-to-heart conversations with your partner about your relationship, both personal and sexual. It’s important to know what interferes with the sexual desire of each and then try to make adjustments.

When the libido is low and you have no idea why or what you can do to improve, the first step is to analyze all situations in the person's life, what is happening and what is interfering, whether it’s temporary or permanent.

Not talking to each other is one of the major causes of decreased libido among couples. Good sexual activity depends, to a large extent, on frank and transparent communication between the couple. Therefore, partners should know each other well, which erogenous zones they like to be massaged, the sex positions that give them the most pleasure, their desires, their fetishes and the limitations of each. This will increase the confidence and intimacy of the couple, as well as the quality of their sex life. Communication also helps overcome taboos and shyness.

Another factor that can impact sexual desire is the practice of sex without desire or with little arousal. If it’s become a habit, the relationship can be unpleasant and unsatisfactory, compromising the couple's physical and sexual health. To fix this, stimulating thoughts about sex during the day, as well as spontaneity and proactivity, are important actions so that both can reach the climax of arousal. 

The lack of knowledge of their own body, more constantly in the case of women, is also a frequent reason for the loss of desire. Ideally, you should practice to stimulate yourself to learn to have pleasure without your partner, and then you’ll be able to teach them more easily how and where you like to be stimulated, with what intensity, etc.

As we talked about in the beginning, when couples get to know each other, they flirt and kiss a lot. However, over time, this intensity diminishes for some couples and this directly interferes with sexual performance. But rest assured that we have prepared some tips to rekindle the fire of your passion and to take your relationship to the next level.

Another important factor is the famous foreplay. Having sex in a hurry or going straight to the point, misses an important stage of the relationship, especially for women. This is important for her body to get ready for the climax, otherwise, it may not be as pleasurable for her, bringing frustration and distancing to the couple.

You have seen some of the problems that hinder sexual desire. But the challenge of spicing up the relationship and enhancing the couple's sexual desire doesn’t end here. Small details are key to maintaining a good relationship. Check it out!

Tips to get out of the rut and spice up your relationship even more

Unlike at the beginning of the relationship, when day to day starts to get repetitive, the routine takes over and it’s vital that the couple take action to improve their relationship. To recover that honeymoon feeling, check out some tips to get out of the rut:

The KISS, a gesture that makes all the difference

The French kiss and the exchange of affection are prime aspects to keep the desire alive between the couple. It’s not more important than sex. In fact, in order for the sex life to be fulfilling, these two must be allies: during sex, the couple should kiss as much as they want and use their mouths especially to caress their partner’s entire body, since this is one of the indicators that the fire among the lovers is still burning.

But regardless of how long the couple is in a relationship, they should never belittle the kiss on the mouth. The kiss is what usually initiates the intimacy between the couple and, for this reason, should be widely explored during foreplay. 

The sex can be initiated out of the bed. How? Dating, teasing, kissing... Keep in mind that in an ideal sexual relationship, there must be kissing. 

The kiss basically involves three senses: the smell, the touch, and the palate. If the touching of the lips and tongue is intense, the kiss won’t be just an act, but an explosion of the most intense sensations.

Kiss a lot and play with your mouth caressing each other. Don’t be afraid to express all your feelings, put your vital energy, and especially to remind your partner of how much you want him/her. 

Small simple changes

Over time, the things the couple usually do become more and more common, getting repetitive. But the routine can be healthy if you know how to intercalate with new and cool things. For example, how about planning a picnic for the weekend? Going for a walk, visiting places where there’s still nature and while on it, rescue the passionate moments you had at the beginning of the relationship, but mainly entice your love, saying what you would like to do later, this will boost the desire for a "spicy" relationship.

You can also watch the sunset in some cool place, go to a planetarium or simply lie on the ground on a starry night and admire the sky for a while. 

They are simple things you can do, but they make all the difference to break the routine and make the relationship stay alive.

Fulfill each other's desires

Is his dream to travel to a city that’s close to yours?

Is yours taking dancing classes together?

How about agreeing to fulfill these wishes?

One cool idea is to write things each of you would like to do. Put them in different pots. Agree on a certain frequency - it can be monthly, fortnightly, etc. - to put them into practice. On the agreed day, each one picks up a piece of paper with a wish from the other. From that day on, the partner must find a way to grant the wish. 

Think about simple things: even visiting a different bar that you’ve never been could be a wish to be placed in the pot. This helps the partner to realize how much you are dedicated to making him/her happy. 

Keep a positive attitude 

There are people who are passive and expect the partner to always take the lead. For a sexually satisfying relationship, both have to be active, even competing to see who surprises the other more in attitudes and attention. Feeling desired increases the desire and satisfaction of the couple. Another important aspect is to respect each other on a daily basis. If while you are together the words and attitudes are rude, it’s difficult to change everything when having sex. So, if this is happening between you, sit down and talk about it, leaving it all behind and changing your attitude.

Use your imagination

Routine is the worst enemy of a couple's sex life because it can lead to boredom and dissatisfaction. Finding new places to make love, varying positions, exploring new experiences and introducing sex toys, for example, increase the couple’s intimacy when it’s time to have sex. It all helps to increase the number of times you have sex with your partner and also the satisfaction of both. 

Be spontaneous

Waiting until bedtime for a sexual encounter is not the best option for a good sexual relationship because it’s when we are more tired and we might want to finish the sex quickly to rest. The teasing is part of the spontaneity: kissing your partner when they are not expecting, sending a spicy message in the middle of the day, remembering and celebrating important dates, surprising them in the shower or any other unexpected and surprising initiative create more sexual desire. 

Find time for intimacy 

Any time of the day is a good time to enjoy sex. The important thing is to find time for intimate moments: when you wake up, in the shower, when the kids are sleeping, after dinner with friends or on a weekend by yourselves, leaving the children with their grandparents or friends.

Use Sex Toys to spice things up

What is not lacking today in the sex toys market are toys to innovate in bed and to get out of the rut. Balls, edible gels, handcuffs, whips, vibrators, butt plugs, cock rings, delay gels, lubricants, and arousal creams, are some of the thousands of toys that you can find in a sex shop online, without leaving your home, with security and privacy. 

Don’t exhaust all options at once and innovate a bit each day. Find the couple's favorite products and fit them into a context. Don’t be embarrassed, search together for what pleases you the most, and test, dare, go beyond limits. This universe is vast, so prove all options until you have a list of the couple’s favorites sex toys and always keep them close to the bed.

How to set the right mood to get out of the rut

Romance never gets out of fashion. It’s still one of the best stimuli for a healthy sex life. The sexual relationship is complete with the expression of reciprocal emotions and feelings.

Here's how to create a suitable and pleasant environment to stimulate new sensations and turn on the mood of romance, love and sexual desire. Follow this step-by-step to make that moment unforgettable and light the fire of your relationship.

Set the mood

This day is special and only yours, so it goes without saying that if the couple has children they need to leave them with someone. 

You can set things up before dinner. How about making your bedroom more sensual? If possible, dim the lights or light the room only with candles. Make a playlist of favorite songs for sex and leave them ready for when you go to the bedroom. Rose petals are also a good idea to make a pathway to bed and to decorate it too, making everything even more romantic.

Start seducing with your MOUTH

How about the couple making a super romantic dinner to warm things up? But for that, both of you need to stay in the kitchen! Not just one of you preparing everything and the other just waiting. Make this moment sensual. While one is chopping something, the other may come from behind and say provocative things in his/her ear, smell and kiss the neck, give a hug from behind.

A nice dinner, candle lights, wine, and good music makes up for a great romantic and sensual night.

If you are preparing a dessert, how about strawberries with chocolate syrup? You can feed in each other’s mouth, letting the syrup drip on the corner of the mouth. 

Take a relaxing shower together

After that, how about you two taking a shower together? Something very relaxing, no hurries. Begin by gently massaging your partner's body with the soap, both wrapping their hands on each other's body. Then give passionate kisses while running your hands through his/her body to tease even more. 

Dedicate time for a delightful massage

Leave a massage oil on the nightstand and choose who will be first. Besides the hands, give lots of kisses and nibbles, and rub your body on him/her. Tease with words, with touch. An erotic massage is a great way to really turn on your partner! Explore the erogenous zones such as the neck, inner thighs, belly button, chest and breasts, side of the body, buttocks, perineum (the area between butt and vagina/scrotum). 

And remember to switch places so that your partner can also enjoy this delightful moment. Remember that her intimate region (clitoris and vagina) should be stroked only after the foreplay. 

Use your five senses

You can use sex toys to tease each other, using a massage candle or an edible pen. A good option is a blindfold because when you take out one of the senses, the others get sharper. In this case, you enhance the touch. That way the body touches and massages, especially with gels that warm or refresh, become more intense. The blindfold also makes it a mystery of where and how they are going to be touched. Therefore, toys that mess with the senses must be kept close to the bed.

Take advantage of the touch, which has already been well explored in the massage, but that can’t be forgotten during sex. Light a scented candle to stimulate the smell. Use aphrodisiac perfumes or scent sprays in the bedroom (also found in Sex Shop). For the hearing, it’s time to turn on the playlist you’ve made. For the vision, how about a corset, sensual lingerie or a costume? And for him a pair of briefs one number smaller to better portray his sensuality? 

Keeping your relationship away from the rut requires less work than you think. Keep the dialogue frank and open, use your imagination, let your fantasies take shape and, above all, be yourself!

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