How to Stop Premature Ejaculation and Eliminate It for Good!
When a man ejaculates earlier than he would like, he may suffer from premature ejaculation (PE). It is one of the most common sexual dysfunction in men and epidemiological studies suggest its prevalence in Australia may range from 21% to 31%, especially on those under the age of 24. There is no specific duration that determines whether it’s PE or not, but in these cases, it occurs with minimal sexual stimulation before, during or shortly after penetration. Yes, there are men who ejaculate even before penetrating the vagina/anus and this may cause great embarrassment for him and the other person.
The ejaculation happens earlier than the man would like because there is no ejaculatory control, that is, the man feels he’s going to ejaculate and can’t stop it, and this happens frequently in his sex life and even when masturbating.
In this article, we’ll talk about some tips and exercises that men can perform to control their ejaculation and, as a consequence, improve their sexuality and intimate life.
Enjoy the reading!
Possible causes of premature ejaculation
Many men with premature ejaculation have low self-confidence about sex and intimate relationships, they usually engage in sexual activity in a hurry, have difficulties bonding emotionally, may have decreased libido and discomfort for not satisfying their partner. They also find it difficult to relax their mind during sex, in these cases, the ejaculation is stimulated by the erotic thoughts they have at the moment, with little emotional involvement in the physical act experienced.
Premature ejaculation has many physical, social and emotional causes. The most studied are hypersensitivity to the glans, lack of control of the ejaculatory reflex, excessive anxiety, inadequate past sexual experiences (rushing it), insecurity about sex or the other person, lack of knowledge about their sexuality, weakening, and tension of the perineum and penis region, among others.
The physiology of ejaculation is a complex process that involves the ejection of the semen, relaxation of the local external sphincter and coordinated contraction of the pelvic floor muscles. Emotional, physical and relationship factors affect this process, causing this dysfunction at any stage of life. In these cases, men have difficulty in relaxing and contracting the perineum muscles (pelvic floor) due to a local tension that is unconscious.
Some men develop premature ejaculation due to their partner experiencing pain or discomfort, so he finishes the sex quickly because of being worried about her. Other times, a woman who has pain or discomfort being penetrated may have vaginal tension, that is, the vaginal canal is tight, tense. Thus, the vaginal walls exert pressure over the glans which causes rapid and uncontrolled ejaculation for the man.
One of the causes comes from adolescence, with the first masturbations and ejaculations. In these cases, the man gets an erection by getting aroused, it can be by erotic thoughts, magazines or videos. He begins to masturbate and, afraid of being seen, speeds up the process so that his body and mind get used to this routine, that is, the process of getting aroused, touch and ejaculation.
And when he gets in a relationship, his body and mind can’t get rid of this habit, and as soon as penetration begins, he ejaculates quickly because he’s gotten used to this process.
So, he’ll need to create a new notion in his mind and body, a new habit. The first step is to admit this and rely on the help of his partner in this quest and training. The second step is training, to create a new habit, we’ll talk a little more about this below in this article.
It’s common for some men who don’t have premature ejaculation to ejaculate faster than usual when they spend some time without engaging in sexual activity, or when they are very anxious to engage in sexual activity with a particular person.
Psychological and biological factors may play a role in causing premature ejaculation:
Psychological causes include:
- anxiety (including performance anxiety, fear of losing an erection, fear of being caught in the act, or previous traumatic sexual experiences);
- relationship problems;
Physical causes of premature ejaculation can include:
- increased penile sensitivity and lower ejaculatory threshold (in primary premature ejaculation);
- erectile dysfunction;
- an underlying condition such as high blood pressure or a hormone imbalance;
- side effects from medicines.
Types of premature ejaculation
Each situation must be analyzed very carefully, considering the essential aspects and particularities of every man who ejaculates quickly. But professionals involved with human sexuality separate PE into two categories: Primary and Secondary Premature Ejaculation.
Primary Premature Ejaculation
It’s the one that accompanies the man throughout his life when in the vast majority of times he ejaculated much faster than he would like during sex. Usually, primary premature ejaculation appears soon after sexual initiation. It’s likely that, in these cases, biological causes are involved.
The most common causes are when hormonal rates are at an unfavorable level when there is an abnormal ejaculatory activity, thyroid disorder, previous surgeries that may be causing problems in the reproductive system, such as pelvic surgery or radical prostatectomy (prostate removal), both generally performed to remove a tumor. There is the possibility that a nerve may have been cut or injured during or after surgery.
Varicocele, a kind of varicose veins of the testicles, it affects men’s sexual performance, because the veins dilate, expelling the semen more easily.
Secondary Premature Ejaculation
Secondary premature ejaculation, on the other hand, is the one that started at a certain point, with a specific person or context, and is much more common than the primary. It’s when the person says, "It wasn’t always like this, it started after an event". In these cases, there is a high chance that the dysfunction is occurring due to psychological issues.
And in this case, a sex therapist can help. There are many situations involved. It can be a dissatisfaction in the relationship with the partner, it can also be a matter of low self-esteem when the man doesn’t feel good about his own body and doesn’t consider himself attractive.
In adolescence, fast ejaculation is quite common. After all, the teenager, just starting out his sex life, is full of curiosity and desire. The first thing to do is to get rid of taboos and use masturbation as an important instrument of intimacy with your own body.
It’s critical to leave behind the belief that the man needs to be a machine in bed, and understand that he can fail or succeed, just as in any other aspect of life. Especially in the inexperience of adolescence, much learning is needed, and this is natural. Experience comes with time! The most important is to accept the failure, which is already halfway to getting it right because it reduces the psychological pressure.
You should look for a place where you can be relaxed for the sexual act, avoid situations that make you worried about being seen or being caught. Moments of tension go against the need for relaxation for good sex. These steps need to be taken so that the act of ejaculating fast doesn’t become a pattern of behavior that causes dysfunction. In addition, depression, exacerbated anxiety, and a whole host of emotional issues may be leading to secondary premature ejaculation.
If you think you ejaculate quickly and it disrupts your sexual performance, overcome your barriers and ask for help! Modern life demands that we be fast and that we get everything done for yesterday, and that influences our sex life. It’s a common issue among men today and there is treatment. Don’t suffer alone and don’t keep living like this because of bias and prejudice of talking about it. Here are some ways to improve control over your ejaculation.
How to control premature ejaculation
Controlling ejaculation is not easy and requires changes in the man's emotional and physical behavior, and sometimes in the sexual habits of the man and the couple. Other times, physical therapy is necessary in the perineum muscles and emotional support of a psychologist.
To initiate changes in a man's sexual life, a dialogue with his partner is needed, and together they can understand what habits and activities are causing fast ejaculation and change their attitudes in order to change that situation.
The improvement may take some time, but the man must persevere and condition his body and mind.
As mentioned before, it will be necessary to create a new notion, to condition both mind and body to a new method, and this requires training and perseverance.
Begin by concentrating, relaxing your body and controlling your breathing. Many people don’t realize that in the course of their lives they begin to breathe very poorly, shallowly, and this becomes a habit. Breathing correctly is very important because it’s what brings energy to the body and mind. Lie on your back, flex your knees, relax all your muscles, place your hands on your belly and inhale the air slowly through your nose, filling your lungs and feeling your abdomen fill, then let the air out slowly through your nose, feeling the abdomen contract.
Repeat this for at least 10 times, do this every day, until you feel that your breathing is different from before and that it helps you to be more relaxed. And that will be important when it’s time to have sex so that you can be more focused, relaxed and taking advantage of proper breathing.
Now let's practice masturbation and this can be done right after the breathing exercise:
Get an erection (without watching porn videos) and start masturbating without lubricant. What should be changed here?
Set a time goal (5, 10, 15, 20, 30 minutes...) for your masturbation. Where ejaculation is no longer the focus, the time that the masturbation will last is the main focus. When you realize that you are almost ejaculating, stop, see how long it took, relax with the breathing technique above, get dressed and continue your routine. Repeat this in the next few days, but try to increase the duration. It’s important that you are able to increase the time in the following days.
When you reach a minimum of 20 minutes of masturbation without ejaculating, go to the next step. Masturbate as above and when you reach 20 minutes, put lubricant and pay close attention to the moment of ejaculation. When you realize that you are almost ejaculating, stop and relax, breathe as indicated above, then get dressed and continue your routine normally. After at least 10 days of this training, you can finish it off, ejaculating. Keep practicing and trying to increase the duration, intercalating, one day you ejaculate and the next you don’t. It's a way for you to start having control over your ejaculation.
With your partner
Now is the time to go practicing with a partner. Start out by kissing, then the foreplay, exploring the erogenous zones, taking your time. Stimulate the inner and outer labia of the vagina and the clitoris. Begin penetration only when she is well aroused. Condition your mind and body that from this day forward your ejaculation will have to happen only after she reaches an orgasm.
The secret now is to opt for sex positions where the penis glans get as deep as possible, because being deep in the vagina, there will be little contact with the glans, which is the most sensitive part. Make short penetration movements, so that the glans have little contact and stay as deep as possible. This way, the base of the penis is what will have more contact with the entrance of the vagina, still giving her pleasure. If you put a stimulating or vibrating ring on the base of the penis, it will stimulate the clitoris, raising the chances of her reaching an orgasm.
Another detail to notice is the position of the legs, if they are closed during penetration, it speeds up the ejaculation. Positions that require you to use your muscles cause you to lose control of ejaculation, and the more you use your muscles, the more stimulation you will have and that will speed up your ejaculation time.
A good position for this is you lying with your belly up and with her over you, so she makes the movements and your muscles will be relaxed, allowing greater control of ejaculation. Nevertheless, if you feel you are about to come, change your position, this change gives you time to relax and breathe. If you notice that she’s still far from orgasm and you are almost there, it’s best to stop with penetration and use another method to give her an orgasm, you can masturbate her or perform oral sex. Keep in mind that in general, women take longer to reach an orgasm than men, so she must be very aroused before starting penetration.
Another factor to be clarified is that about 70% of women can’t reach an orgasm through penetration alone, so you need to be aware of that and look for alternatives to give them an orgasm if that’s the case. A good position is spooning, you penetrating from behind, so you can stimulate her clitoris during penetration. If it’s another position, encourage her to masturbate during penetration.
At this stage where you are still training your body and mind to increase penetration time, we suggest giving her an orgasm before penetrating, stimulating her well during foreplay and giving her orgasm through masturbation or oral sex. Remember that the key to success is the clitoris, which is her most sensitive point. Women can have more than one successive orgasm more easily than men, so it’s possible that they can have more than one if you follow the above suggestion.
More ways to improve premature ejaculation
Lower your anxiety with relaxing and physical activities:
One of the causes of PE is anxiety and muscle tension. One way to control anxiety is through physical activities and massages. Hiking, in addition to relaxing, contributes to overall health. While hiking, raise your chest, lightly contract your abdomen and relax your shoulders, but above all, make it a moment to relax your body and mind. Stretch out before and after hiking.
After the hiking, do at least 15 minutes of exercises such as jumping jacks, burpee, abdominal, squatting combined with jumping, push-ups, among others. When you can’t go hiking, do at least the exercises. Before having sex, ask your love to do a relaxing massage all over your body. This relaxation is important because the ejaculatory process comes precisely from the muscle contractions, and the more relaxed they are, the greater the chances of increasing the duration of the sex.
Increase the duration of foreplay
Focus on moments of intimacy with physical and emotional involvement. It’s recommended to pay attention to the touches, kisses and stimuli during foreplay and not to focus only on penetration and her intimate region. Before penetration, your partner must be well stimulated and aroused.
Pay attention to bathroom habits
Acquire the habit of not using the bathroom in a hurry, keeping the hip region and perineum muscles relaxed.
Focus on the moment
Avoid thinking about erotic scenes during sex, because they speed up ejaculation.
Masturbating every day
Keep masturbation in your daily routine or every other day, to avoid
the excess of sexual desire when it’s time to have sex. But above all, use masturbation to learn about your body and have control of your ejaculation. Don’t worry about the time when masturbating, don’t rush it. When you feel like you are going to ejaculate, make a ring with your fingers and press the base of the penis or the part below the glans, preventing ejaculation, and resume masturbation by repeating the previous step whenever you are about to ejaculate for at least four times.
Control your breathing
Remember to practice moments of relaxation, breathing slowly and holding the air in your lungs for a few seconds. Open your arms, but keep them relaxed and with your chest forward.
Use sex toys
Introduce sex toys during foreplay and in moments of intimacy. Some of them can help you control your ejaculation, others will satisfy your partner and increase your involvement in the sexual act.
Sex toys that help premature ejaculation
Simple or vibrating, the cock ring is placed at the base of the penis to compress the blood vessels and prolong erection and ejaculation. In the case of products with vibration, it also stimulates your partner's clitoris region when penetrating;
Manual or electric, penis pumps contributes to improving blood flow to the penis, helping to have a stiffer erection and greater ejaculation control;
They are traditional condoms that contain components that reduce the sensitivity of the penis, causing a delay in ejaculation;
Increases blood flow of the pelvic floor muscles, improving relaxation, control, and coordination contributes to ejaculatory control and local muscle relaxation.
Exercises to improve premature ejaculation
1. Lying on your back with your knees bent, the man should contract and relax the anus slowly to relax the pelvic floor muscles, helping to have more control over ejaculation.
2. After having control over contracting and relaxing the anus region, the man should add another exercise, that of contracting and relaxing the base of the penis, similar to the anal region exercise, but only with the penis.
3. During masturbation, when you feel like you are about to ejaculate, you should stop, compress the base of the penis with your index finger and thumb (form a ring), and wait until it passes (the ejaculatory reflex). After it passes, restart the movements and keep going until you ejaculate. Note that with practice the time it takes to ejaculate should increase progressively.
4. Strengthen the PC muscle (pubococcygeus) by exercising at least three times a day. When urinating, hold the urine 3 to 4 times, this way you will learn how to use the PC muscle. Then do the exercises just by pretending to be urinating, learning to contract the PC muscle. Contract the PC muscle for three seconds and then relax it for three seconds. Gradually after a few days of exercising, increase the duration of the contractions, but keeping the three seconds of relaxation. Increase the time of contractions to five, ten and lastly, twenty seconds. After two months of exercise, do only maintenance, exercising at least three times a week.
While having sex, when you feel the time is coming to ejaculate, contract the PC muscle, that will prevent you from ejaculating. Nevertheless, if you feel it’s difficult to hold, stop penetration and do oral sex or masturbate your love, then continue penetration. This keeps your partner aroused and allows you to control your ejaculation. Over time you will have greater control and possibly won’t need to make these interruptions. Keep in mind that keeping the muscles (legs, glutes...) contracted during sex speeds up ejaculation, so keep them relaxed.
5. Use the Therapeutic Massager along the perineum region, especially between the anus and scrotum, let it vibrate there for 5 to 15 minutes. Then, use it all over the penis with it moving and stationary for 5 to 15 minutes every other day.
Improvement begins after 60 days of exercise, but it’s important to check for possible causes and suggested changes. The time it takes to ejaculate will increase progressively and every extra minute longer to ejaculate is a victory.
Sexpert tips for premature ejaculation
When having sex, take the focus away from the intimate region, forget for a few minutes that you want to ejaculate, and actually if you go straight to her intimate region, for many women, this could even be unpleasant. Start the relationship with kisses, don’t be in a hurry to get past this stage. Give kisses of all kinds, with your lips, using your tongue, kiss and suck her lips... Alternate the moments of sex with kisses on her neck, face, ears...
Then massage her erogenous zones (inner thighs, side of her body, buttocks with circular movements, perineum, belly, groin, side of her breasts...) and take your time, don’t rush anything. When you feel your partner is aroused by the message, then that’s the time to explore her nipples and then go down the intimate region. Gently massage her breasts, vagina, and clitoris. And remember, about 70% of women can’t reach an orgasm with penetration alone, they need to be stimulated in the clitoris to reach an orgasm.
Another important detail is that, in general, women take longer to reach an orgasm than men, so start penetrating only when they are well aroused and keep in mind that they should reach orgasm before you. While you still have no ejaculation control, give her orgasms in other ways, such as oral sex and masturbation. Remember that the organ that gives the most pleasure to a woman is the clitoris and the most important thing is that she reaches an orgasm, no matter if, through the clitoris or vagina, the important thing is that you give her orgasms. And over time, you will learn to have control over your ejaculation and give her new types of orgasms.
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